There was a woman I worked with at my last job I'll call Pat who had the mystifying habit of answering anything one might say with, "Yeah, I know! Right?" It didn't matter if you said, "The report is due at noon." It didn't matter if you said, "I think my cat has fleas." It was with only supreme self control that I did not test my hypothesis that anything could prompt Pat's signature reply with such baits as, "I think I might go to lunch on Saturn today, the burgers on Jupiter are a sad state of affairs."
As I continued my Spring Cleaning Extravaganza yesterday, scrubbing away at the pendant lamp over the dining table, the texture of which can only be described as "furry," I couldn't get Pat out of my mind.
Here I thought I had made pretty darn good progress in the Quest for a clean, tidy, and organized home. We've had dozens of visitors in last year: friends, family, out-of-town guests, workmen, contractors, delivery people, a plumber, an electrician, a man who measured and installed some blinds. I imagined Pat accompanying someone on their visit. After leaving, maybe in the elevator, the visitor might shrug his or her shoulders and say, "Well, yeah, she's made some improvement. But did you see the pendent lamp?" And Pat would say, "Yeah, I know! Right?" Which would break the spell, because this time, her response would actually make sense. And she'd be free of her strange compulsion at long last.
In order to stem these horrifying fantasies, I decided to throw myself into making a comprehensive, room-by-room list of every possible thing that may need to be cleaned, dusted, scrubbed, wiped, washed, or scoured above 6-feet:
- Ceiling-mounted lamps, pendant lamps, tracklighting, or high-mounted sconces (inside and out)
- Curtain rods
- Shelves (the top of units as well as shelves themselves)
- Crown molding
- Ceiling medallions
- Door frames (the tops of the frames as well as undersides/inner moldings)
- The tops of the doors themselves
- Tops of art work or bulletin board frames
- Shower surrounds
- Medicine cabinets
- Shower rods
- Shower heads
- Cabinet faces, shelves
- Top of refrigerator
- Top of microwave or stove hood
- Exhaust fans
- Pot racks, hanging storage